It never fails:
If you fart in your office, SOMEone is gonna walk in! (The UPS dude, the secretary, a sales rep…..SOMEone!)
Now when this happens, you have one of three options:
#1. Meet the visitor at the door and start a conversation just outside your office. (This gives the room time to air out)
#2. Accommodate for Murphy’s Law. Spray or light a match as soon as you cut it. (This is prolly the BEST solution….if there wasn’t too much heat behind it. If it was a doozie, it may just smell like dookey in a spring breeze.)
#3. If they catch you off-guard (which is how it normally happens), the key is to keep a straight face and continue on as if everything is normal. If you give that awkward eye-contact or even a glimmer of a smile, you are busted! As an extra line of defense, you can talk superfluously until they walk away. (This doesn’t give the poor victim a chance to comment on the foul stench lingering in the air ) …..don’t say I never taught you anything. J
It never fails:
If you drop your toothbrush in the bathroom, it will land somewhere disgusting. Between your toes (brush-first), in the toilet, on the floor (right next to the toilet), or in the drain of the *gag* sink!)
When this happens, you have a couple of options:
#1. Throw that shit away (recommended)
#2. Boil it to sterilize it by killing the germs (It’s now safe, however, your toothpaste will always taste like straight doo doo, urine, swine flu, or vomit……..in your mind)
#3. Test your true faith by simply repeating the ever-popular phrase, “God Bless the Germs!” (warning: This only works for a true believer! He will be your doctor in the O.R., your Lawyer in the courtroom…..your disinfectant in the bathroom)
note: Belief also works with any cross against vampires.
*see Dusk ‘til Dawn….when the preacher uses a sawed off shotgun and a broken off chair leg to ward off hungry vampires.* J
It never fails:
If you get lost driving, you WILL turn the radio down.
……….and it will frustrate you because one of your favorite songs WILL be playing. Don’t deny it….. It happens to us all…. I don’t know why. (Note: If someone else is driving, you will STILL want to turn down the radio)
It never fails:
An evil villain WILL have a European Accent.
It doesn’t matter if it’s an evil caveman, an evil superhero, an evil coyote, and evil alien, or the bad guy American idol Judge! I don’t know why Neptune (at the bottom of the sea) has European accent! I have no idea why Egyptians always have English accents in movies! And it’s seriously beyond me why all Germans have one round spectacle that pops out when they get shot (…but they DO!....and they die in every film…..because they are always evil)
And finally, (this is from my brother Gregg)
It never fails:
When someone who wears glasses can’t hear something, they will take their glasses off as if this will assist in clarifying the missed information. You KNOW I’m not lying. We have all seen someone take off the glasses, tilt their ear toward you, raise their eyebrows, open their eyes & mouth real wide for the “Pardon me?” ….yeah, slap yourself……you’ve seen it. haha!!
You will hate on me It never fails haha haha
~ Đөήđϊ
